Sunday, January 15, 2006
well last nite was Jan 14 saturday , which marks the last day of my r/s wif him, i duno y when i woke up tis morning i started crying non-stop , perhaps my heart knew i could never see u for days months or even forever. I had lead the most happiest days of my life on tis 1mth and 4 days ... although its short but its the most happiest days i had have ...
well u find mi irritating and u wun have started tis r/s if u knew i was like tis , like tis ? like wad ? was it really my fault ? we haven met up for 4 days and i thot we would meet up on a sat , sat is a day i would definetly wan to spend wif my bf , ok u say the word " i thot " kills mi , yes it really kills mi so much , all i thot i thot it din happened and ended up quarreling .. U R THE 1ST N ONLY GUY I LOVE SO MUCH. I MISS U SO MUCH NOW. all my fault was tat i bought a tshirt for mi and i was so anxious in meeting u to pass u the shirt, tats y i ended up seeming irritating to u ba ... the tshirt imprint was " I LOVE MY T-SHIRT" , i knew u would love yr tshirt very much cuz it was given by mi ... but i still had to thx u very much for willing to see mi the last time , so i could had a chance to give u the shirt, i wun wan it lying around in my house , i dun1 to cry whenever i sees it ... In my mind now all i have is still yr smiling face , but yest u gave me a fierce look and refusing to look into my eyes, tis time was the other way round , i kept looking at u.. knowing tat i would no longer have the chance again ... u asked mi not to cry infront of u , u used to told mi when i cry u would xin ruan , but u said u made yr mind tis time and would never change e decision i was really heartbroken tats y i cry till so pathetic .. aso hoping u would change yr decision .. thx for agreeing to give me my last hug b4 i promise to leave, its very comfortable hugging u and i would nv forget the feeling , after i left i had no where to go .. i sat below the mrt track on e field , hoping tat u would give mi my very last chance if i manage to see u , but 1hour+ later i left ... u knew i would not leave after i promise to leave de but i din got to see u too =( ... u said we would be happier as frens , but could we still meet up like b4 ? could i stand myself seeing u wif a future gf ? im sure i wun be able to take it ... i always had wanted to be yr wife , silly thot yeah ? but i do hope i really have the chance ... actually i din think of so much but all i wan was to be wif u as long as possible .. but tis is too short for me to accept the fact... after cutting n highlighting yr hair u really become shuai abit le .. but too bad i dun have the chance to look at it again ...
i must thx poh n weijian for accompanying mi the saddest moment in my life ... poh ask mi " wad makes mi like him so much ? " " i din knew but the 1st time i saw him i started to like him abit le .. seeing his face makes mi happy , seeing him smile makes me even more happier and im satisfied, i dun mind going to cck or waiting him for an hour juz to see him an hour ".. b4 i left i stood infront of lot1, i stare at it for quite sometimes becuz i know it would be my last time here , i could nv come and find e guy i like most here ... me and poh lied on a bench below a void deck and he pei me talk .. he took 1 stick and said i chou bao chou yes i did , 13 sticks in 2-3hours time , all i wanted to do was to numb myself make myself in a terrible headache so i could sleep the moment i reach home .. he pei mi talk for 2hour+ though hes very tired after booking out .. when i din know wad to do the next moment atfer leaving u , poh thot i was jumping down e track and saying bye to him when i was sitting down at the field below e track .. yup so when i reached home i had to change my msn nick and off my com and slept .. but my hp name is still wen <3 jie ... u might not even read all these shit im talking here but i do hope u can understand wad happened inbetween , and i seriously regret meetin timmothy, i myself caused tis r/s to be finished ..
i had always being waiting for yr bday tis year .. although its like 10 mths more but im very patient .. looking forward to the day when i can go clubbing wif u ... happily spend our days together ... and too bad for myself i dun have the chance again ... u asked mi to stop wasting my time making myself unhappy to make u happy .. but i really dun mind going down to cck to find u juz to meet u for a while .. u say girls wun like to do things like tis , but tis time for u im a bit special i dun mind doing anything for u .. im crazy in love wif u ... but u told mi to stop wasting yr time .. u dun love me anymore .. this was the worst sentence i ever heard from u .. ya im sticky, but those 1st few weeks when we r together we almost met up everyday at serangoon gardens .. 4 days was a terrible days to pass without contacting u .. all i could do is to sms u hoping u can call mi back ... telling u how sad i am without u .. ok u found it irritating im sorry ... u say 4 days aint long .. but its really long for mi .. we at least met up every 2 days, i cun get use to the days without u ... i din go out in e weekdays save 62$ hoping to spend wif u on sat .. but yest i actually spend almost all on cab n a cig .. cun eat at all had no mood to ...
The 1st time u met me , was on a sat if i remmeber correctly is 10dec 2005 , i cried a lot in e morning missed breakfast wif u , but still met u at ghoby gaut mrt .. i remmeber u say u walked back to find mi after alighting at the stop infront ... i was so happy to see u , yr very 1st smile of the day is kept and remembered in my mind 4ever ... we then went to hq , u promise to bring mi around later at nite , but in e end pdm wanted to play so we stayed there whole nite .. u was very good to mi .. turning around to kiss or hug mi everytime u had the time to ... causing elmo to say ask us stop ... it was abit early but u were very tired already so we took a mrt to yck and u pei-ed me there till it was very late we chatted there and it was e most happiest day of my life ... i took e last bus u took a cab home and ended the day ..
One of the day i would never forget is the day i met u below yr void deck , as usual u was very tired again .. 1 of yr eye lashes drop and u told mi to put it into yr hair and u made a wish , and i guessed the wish exactly every word , it was to be tian chang di jiu wif mi ... i made the wish 3 times during our r/s too ... after tim's incident u say u would forget it and nv bring it up again .. i thot that was the biggest challenge in our r/s and after tis problem everything will be solved and u be as good to mi again ... yup u did but i duno y how come tis week we would become like tis ... u worked and met yr frens at nite .. and i only had a chance to talk to u less than 1min in these 4 days .. and mabbe from today onwards not even a min of phone wif u ever again ... but nvm i still had a pic of u , i would still continue to look at it like i always do in class .. i still hug the pooh u caught for mi to sleep .. whenever i see it i will think of u and be happy .. thx for giving mi the happiest time i could ever have ..
but dun worry i wun do something silly to myself .. perhaps i will juz continue to wait for u ..
