Monday, January 16, 2006
Its the 3rd nite im spending without u ...
Last nite i went down yishun to find them, and tat fucker boonyong dua mi, waited for him 2hours+, joined lester and his frens which i duno them .. while waiting i was feeling damn dulan .. they finally came down for awhile ate and left .. z ... awhile later my mama called and kpkb at mi so i went off too ... on the bus i was feeling damn terrible and xinku .. after getting down i walked up the stairs .. and i vomit on e way ... 2 times i vomit the feeling was damn terrible .. e moment was like when u said im wasting yr time and u wanted to leave ... i smoked 18 sticks non stop last nite .. mabbe i vomit cuz i din eat dinner... a very kind n pretty girl was looking at mi for a distance i felt so shy but after i was about to leave e drain she past mi a pack of tissue ... really needed to thx her alot .. i think shes staying around my block only ... but soon i felt better ... so when i come home i could bathe and sleep again not worrying about thinking of u and unable to sleep ... burnt off $9+ in a nite ...heart pain ... but nvm i chose to torture myself ... to make myself numb ... hoping tat i will be able to keep the to diet of these 2 days .. a day a meal ^_^ ... taking tis chance to slim down too .. and of cuz it for u =) ..
tis morning when i woke up i sat on e bed for 5mins ... thinking and trying to make myself accept the fact .. but after i bathe and about to leave e house ... i started to cry again ... i din know why ... i cried on e way walking to the busstop ... now without u the smoke taste bitter and terrible ... it used to be sweet cooling and fun ... i held my hp all e way to school .. since i know u i din sleep in the bus anymore .. cuz u used to call mi and pei me talk till i reach school .. i thot alot in e bus ... i kept thinking of wad to sms u ... was worried u might find it irritating and spoil yr mood for the day again ... but i can't stand it anymore i needed to sms u urgently ... i said " i miss u so much hope can see u again and yr smile " , u called back i was so surprised, everytime my phone rang i always wished it was a private no. cuz i knew is u ! i was very shocked not knowing wad to do .. but eventually i pick up e phone and talked to u happily .. i din cry i din sad i was smiling .. i knew u wasn't intend to ignore mi ... i know u still love mi .. which i used to keep myself from being sad anymore ... u say i would still have e chance to meet u again cuz u needed to pass mi my charger back .. of cuz im damn happy .. hope can see u in tis sat or next week time .. now trying my best to slim down ^_^ ...
had a 3 hour break .. went town ... din go for quite some time le i guess .. since e last time we intended to go town which we missed it .. and quarrelled i dun feel like going town anymore .. trina bought alot of things but i had no mood to see anything at all .. i told her i only da ban for u now without u i dun see the need to be pretty when i go out .. perhaps i soon be a loner le .. trinas quitting sch ... and left a girl n mi in my class ... everyday might be going sch , home , cs sleep ... i could no longer meet u after sch .. or wait for u below yr block ...
well i suddenly realised im selfish .. i love u too much causing myself to give u little freedom .. and perhaps tat y u feel tat im irritating bah ... im hoping mabbe after 2-3 years time we still can be together again .. mabbe by the time i wun be so childish anymore ... and if possible to be yr future wife .. haha but i guess u be mad by my nagging ... nah im insane .. its not gonna be possible at all .. haha but i do hope tat u will come back to mi after some time ... but im not sure how long more i can wait ... im feeling terrible without u ... after e kingkong's movie incident i realise i can't watch a movie without u ... i felt lost in the cinema .. but i din have a chance to watch a movie or take a photo wif u b4 ... but nvm i have yr pic in my hp ... i wonder if u deleted my pic from yr wallpaper ... haha im damn afraid tat u would forget mi soon as time goes by ... veryvery afraid tis would happen ...
hmm but while on e way home i decided to ask yen to go town ! i wan to buy e clothes n the skirt n e shoes i saw today which i was lazy to go and see it ... i wanna stay pretty when i get the chance to see u ! and hope u might be able to find mi prettier ! newyears coming soon ... will be getting hongbao .. was intending to work and buy for u sennheiser pc150 n a razordiamond mouse de .. but i dun think u will accept it aso .. hmmm hope can see u in the shirt i bought for u .. hoping the size is right ... hope to see u again smile @ mi =)
(9.30pm)
calvin : im sorry i broke yr heart again ... plz dun wait for mi anymore ..
LOVING DON SO MUCH AT THIS VERY MIN. how i wish u could give mi a call now =( i listen to emo songs and i cried again ... we juz sang wo ai de ren on monday .. the last day we met up and at kbox at cck ... di yi chi and wo de cuo ...
i remembered the day after my exam .. i wore very lata and i went to yr house to meet u .. i had accidentally angered u by secretly smoking .. u starting was angry but in e end u forgave mi .. u have me alot of chances but i din cherish it ... BUT NOW theres no1 to stop mi from smoking anyore ... im regretting so much now ... i wanna be yr fav's girl ... we went to fetch yr neice ... tat was the 1st time u sheltered me under a umbrella ... yr fren even thot tat yr niece was our child ... i was so happy after hearing it ... and i ate dinner at yr house .. it was the very 1st time i ate there ... and the very last ... it was a very wonderful dinner .. nice soup although its abit plain ... it has being very long since i had a home cook dinner ... im veryvery happy to be wif u ... once .. im very happy enuff .. but i shall not be greedy .. i know u wun be wif mi toegther again ... but i hope in e future i would have e chance ... LOVE U SO MUCH . can't stop crying after seeing e tv show of love ... I MISS U .. where r u ....
